Blog | Facilitate Tough Conversations with Your Youth Group
Facilitate Tough Conversations with Your Youth Group
Youth ministry, at its best, has long been a space where teenagers and adults can speak candidly about difficult topics. However, today, those topics extend beyond sexuality and our existential place in the world — racism, politics, and national tragedies all deserve a seat at the table.
These days, students expect the adults in their lives to address difficult topics and big events as they happen with honesty, candor, and perspective. Whether it’s denouncing a white supremacist act, mourning a national tragedy, or lamenting an oppressive act of legislation, Gen-Z students see silence as a statement of complicity.
While your role as a youth pastor is to drive conversation and elucidate biblical truth in the lives of your students, it’s important to note the current cultural mood and how you can work with it, rather than against it. Your student’s demands for transparency and statements can sometimes feel oppressive themselves, but beneath it is something more tender: fear about an unpredictable world and the desire for support, compassion, and perspective on that world from the adults they trust. What this generation who seems so quick to cancel really desires is the opportunity to have nuanced conversations about what is happening in our nation and neighborhoods.
Navigating big topics isn’t always easy or comfortable, especially when they are things we aren’t used to discussing. But, just like with anything, practice and patience helps us succeed. And our students don’t expect us to have all the answers. How can you develop a culture that makes it safe and productive to have these kinds of conversations?
Speak Up from the Pulpit
Don’t be afraid to address big things at the pulpit. You don’t have to get political to translate tragedies and political events through the lens of Jesus and scripture. This is an opportunity to show your students that you’re aware, you care, and invite them to engage with culture in a way that transcends black-and-white, left-and-right, all-or-nothing thinking.
Make the Time and Space for Intimate Conversations
While speaking about these things from the pulpit is a great place to start, it’s more or less table stakes. What your students really crave and really need is the opportunity to discuss what’s happening in a more intimate setting, whether that’s in a small group or one on one.
Consider building time into youth group meetings for breakout small groups to discuss important things. Whether it’s on an as-needed basis following an unprecedented nationwide event or as part of a series on a hot topic, give your students time and a safe space to debrief their thoughts, questions, and emotions they’re experiencing around these things.
Equip Your Leaders and Parents
You as a pastor don’t have the capacity to speak with every student in your ministry one on one or facilitate each small group. That’s ok. That’s what your leaders and parents are for. You have influence but it’s limited to a couple hours a week at most. Your youth leaders and, to an even greater extent, your parents see and interact with students far more frequently. It’s important to set them up for success so they can multiply their influence in your student’s lives.
Train your leaders to cultivate a non-anxious presence when they are speaking with students. A good rule of thumb is to underreact in the moment and over respond in the long-term. How do we do this?
Make it clear that questions are welcome.
Listen actively and ask clarifying questions.
Share your own authentic thoughts, feelings, and questions.
Keep Learning and Stay Humble
When we request vulnerability from our students, it’s important we lead with vulnerability ourselves. Be transparent about your own thoughts, feelings, and questions. As you’ve probably learned in your own life experiences, it can be hard to trust someone who pretends to have all the answers or seems to be pushing a half-baked agenda a la “just trust Jesus!” or “but the Bible clearly says . . .”
Like us, most of the time our students aren’t looking for black and white answers but for the safe, sacred opportunity to be heard, engage honestly with tough things, and feel less alone. What we’re after is intimacy and trust, which means it’s ok if you don’t know the answer or have changed your mind on something. These responses aren’t inconsistent, they are the most honest, vulnerable ways we can engage with our students.
Youth pastors, thank you for putting your time and energy toward creating a safe space for our students to discuss real, hard topics. No matter what, they’ll be seeking answers and we’re grateful that you’re being intentional to lead these conversations and offer Christ’s perspective in the process.
About the Author
Emma Tarp is a writer and worship leader based in Minneapolis, MN. On her best days, she's highlighter-deep in a good book or teaching herself to sew. On her other best days, she's helping passionate folks and inspired businesses put words to their work. Find out more at emmatarp.com.